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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23453458">And while we’re at it, baby...why don’t you tell me one of your biggest fears.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twinkletitz/pseuds/Twinkletitz'>Twinkletitz</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Real Complex HouseElves of Solace [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dimension 20 (Web Series), Dimension 20: Fantasy High, Fantasy High, Fantasy High: Sophomore Year - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aelwen/Fabian is GOOD, Aelwyn Abernant/Fabian Seacaster, F/M, Fabian and Aelwen deserve to be happy, Hallariel Seacaster/Gilear Faeth (background), Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Pansexual Aelwen, Pansexual Fabian, They have both grown so much, Unrequited FABRIZ, complex elven women are valid, mental health</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 14:41:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,346</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23453458</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twinkletitz/pseuds/Twinkletitz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“...Fabian?” </p>
<p>“Yes, it’s me. Remember where you are? We’re at Seacaster Manor...you came over for a visit, Cathilda made us quiche?...It got late so I invited you to stay, and told you I’d be happy to drive you back to Mordred Manor in the morning.”</p>
<p>Adaine told Fabian about how Aelwen would have severe night terrors. Her imprisonment and torture in Fallinel, the abuse she and her sister suffered, the lengths her family went in service to the nightmare king...</p>
<p>...All replaying in her mind with horrific detail, taking her a while to recognize where and when she was. </p>
<p>**********</p>
<p>Aelwen/Fabian doesn’t get nearly enough support in this fandom OR how complex elven ladies deserve love too...in this essay I will-</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aelwen Abernant/Fabian Aramais Seacaster, Aelwyn Abernant/Fabian Seacaster - Relationship, Fabian Aramais Seacaster/Aelwen Abernant, Fabian Seacaster/Aelwen Abernant, Fabian Seacaster/Aelwyn Abernant, Gilear Faeth/Hallariel Seacaster</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Real Complex HouseElves of Solace [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1687201</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>43</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. If you fall I will catch you-I WILL BE WAITING!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Spoilers for Sophomore Year!!!!</p>
<p>Look. I was team Aelwen/Fabian from jump.</p>
<p>Don’t get me wrong I am a devout advocate for Fabian/Gorgug. </p>
<p> I love the fuck out of Fabian/Ragh. </p>
<p>I live and BREATHE for Fabian/Ragh/Riz. </p>
<p>Of course FABRIZ defines and redeems us all. </p>
<p>...but Aelwen/Fabian is so good y’all, and gets such a bad rap in the fandom...I’m hoping that’s gonna change thanks to recent developments, and here’s my contribution to that shift in the narrative...I like writing about complex elven ladies and their love interests anydamnway!   </p>
<p>ALSO I’m not saying Fabian is straight. We all saw that blatant homoeroticism. It’s one of the core features of our much beloved Gay Dice Show What Makes The Feels Happen. My head canon is just that Fabian is Pansexual...and so is Aelwen...probably cuz I’m also Pan. </p>
<p>Play in this spaaaaace you won’t catch the straight, I promise. I’m queer as they come, have you even seen me sit in a chair?!!??? My flagrant disregard for the intended purpose of arm rests is WILD. </p>
<p>me imitating your exact voice perfectly the first time NATCH:Excellent point and what a delightfully humorous and objectively queer observation! Well Gayed!</p>
<p>Thank you thank you you’re too kind. </p>
<p>Kudos and Comments are part of my balanced breakfast.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“A-Adaine?!!! Where is she? Where’s my sister? What have you-“</p>
<p>“It’s alright, it’s okay-you’re okay...she’s safe...we’re all fine. You just had a nightm-...a bad dream. Could I get you something...water?”</p>
<p>“No! Don’t...don’t leave. Just...” she reached trembling fingers to touch Fabian’s face...stroked his cheek...traced the scar under his eye...all the while staring at him as though he was much farther away than the touch reflected. “...Fabian?” </p>
<p>“Yes, it’s me. Remember where you are? We’re at Seacaster Manor...you came over for a visit, Cathilda made us quiche?...It got late so I invited you to stay, and told you I’d be happy to drive you back to Mordred Manor in the morning.”</p>
<p>Adaine told Fabian about how Aelwen would have severe night terrors. Her imprisonment and torture in Fallinel, the abuse she and her sister suffered, the lengths her family went in service to the nightmare king...</p>
<p>...All replaying in her mind with horrific detail, taking her a while to recognize where and when she was. </p>
<p>When he offered her use of his bed, he’d done so at first with the intention of sleeping on his nearby daybed in the bay window of his room, but while he was reading the last of a mystery novel Riz loaned him preparing for sleep...he’d noticed Aelwen flinching...ears flattened to the sides of her head...muttering apologies over and over as she couldn’t shake whatever held her...He didn’t want to startle her further, so he did what he knew to do when Riz had trouble calming down...he curled up beside her in his bed (above the covers, ever the gentleman) and stroked her hair while humming a halfling song he’d picked up in his own times of need...</p>
<p>It seemed to have worked, but when Fabian felt cold and moved to retrieve a blanket from the daybed...Aelwen had another episode...this time more forceful than the one before. Nearly jerking her from the bed to the floor. </p>
<p>She’d looked so terrified it gutted him. </p>
<p>Such terror didn’t suit her. </p>
<p>Didn’t suit anyone he supposed, but there was something so wrong about seeing Aelwen like that.</p>
<p>Aelwen who knocked the air out of his lungs upon introduction. </p>
<p>Whose kiss ignited a spark in him, long before any fire elemental. </p>
<p>Aelwen who’d dipped him to use the body he meticulously sculpted as a surface to do a line of dragon spice...</p>
<p>...who promised him all manner of filthy things, who inspired him to do a great many heroic deeds to prove to her...or more honestly, to himself that he was worthy of such a...a uh...lover. </p>
<p>He supposed they both changed since that house party freshman year. He was down an eye for starters, lost a father, gained a...Gilear, got a devil sister, regained his dad but as like an even cooler devil dad, acknowledged one mother and was reconnecting with another...</p>
<p>Not to mention...perhaps specifically not mentioning, if it’s all the same to you...his devastating defeat on Leviathan...</p>
<p>...That served as the catalyst for an arduous journey to redefine himself. </p>
<p>Aelwen seemed to have been working towards redefinition as well. Her main priority these days was reestablishing herself in her sister’s life...and by extension the lives of her sister’s friends and family. Which worked for Fabian because he found he really liked spending time with her...as like a person...not just pursuing her as a goal.</p>
<p>She had a sharp wit, a delightful penchant for repartee, was an insanely gifted spellcaster, a good listener, had a wicked sense of humor, got along with his family, and made him feel...good...and he liked making her feel good too. </p>
<p>They were both newcomers to Jawbone’s counseling sessions so he’d implement the mental health exercises they’d learned  whenever he saw her eyes glass over...helping Aelwen ground herself and comfort her through her dissociative states.</p>
<p>Aelwen was also quite proficient in deploying Jawbone’s wisdom. After Fabian told her about his...ahem...Pansexuality (...that’s got to get easier to think about, right?...it just had to), his unrequited feelings for Riz...and his resulting self deprecation regarding how he fit into Riz’s life...she would remind Fabian not to make Riz’s journey about him, and to appreciate whatever form their companionship took. He supposed Jawbone being Aelwen’s legal guardian would always give her advantage in that department. </p>
<p>“What do you need right now? How can I help you?” Fabian asked in the calmest voice he could manage, she still had that look on her face...like she wasn’t sure he was really there. </p>
<p>“Fabian?...were you leaving?”</p>
<p>“No, I can stay...I’m not going anywhere...I’m right here. Should I call Adaine? I have my crystal-“</p>
<p>“-don’t bother her...I’m too much trouble for her as it is...-needs her sleep...she’s just a baby...” </p>
<p>“Aelwen? Why don’t you get back in bed...I don’t want you to fall...” </p>
<p>“then you should catch me...”</p>
<p>“P-pardon?” </p>
<p>“...you don’t want someone to fall...catch them......” she repeated drowsily, Aelwen informed him earlier she was in between sleep medications trying to figure out which worked for her the whole night...this one apparently didn’t quite make the cut. He would tell her in the morning...he’d also take her advice. </p>
<p>If she fell...he would catch her...he promised as he hummed a halfing song.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Chapter title is from Cyndi Lauper</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. ...You say something’s wrong and I could say the same to you...Dinner is not over.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dinner with Fabian’s family for the first time is going...well...</p><p>Turned on the old Aelwen Abernant charm? Check. </p><p>Complimented the decor? Check.</p><p>Made Fabian blush? Check. </p><p>Thoroughly enjoying this quiche? Double check. </p><p>Felt eternally grateful she fought her first impulse to bring elven wine because she almost forgot Fabian’s mother is a recovering alcoholic? Yikes.</p><p>Now realizing she could have still brought cooking sherry for Cathilda instead of coming empty handed? Drat. </p><p>Currently questioning why all her ideas on gifts are alcohol based? Help. </p><p>Still winning over his parents despite being an obvious train wreck whose leg hasn’t stopped fidgeting under the table the entire time?.........</p><p>*****<br/>It’s Aelwen’s first time having dinner with Fabian’s parents...well 3 of them...not including Bill for obvi reasons...</p><p>...and Aelwen’s handling it....got it under control...yuhp.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Yay! Loving the responses y’all are giving this fic especially y’all who aren’t the biggest fans of Aelwen/Fabian. You gave it a chance, and for that you have my thanks...</p><p>Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“-MaMa! You promised no talk of my form tonight...” </p><p>“Oh, I simply can’t help it, my Fabian was just so cute...dead-set on rescuing you all by himself when the dear couldn’t land a blow on Cathilda at half our sweet halfling’s effort...pardon the pun, Cathilda...”</p><p>“A fine bit ‘o wordplay, Madam Seacaster. Though to be fair to Master Fabian...I was at least at two-thirds effort...”</p><p>“MAMA! CATHILDA! PLEAAASE!” </p><p>“Don’t shout at the table, Fabian. You know better...it upsets poor Gilear’s digestion...” </p><p>“....What doesn’t?” </p><p>“Fabian, be nice.” warned Hallariel.</p><p>“No...no...he’s right...just this afternoon I had a terrible bout of acid reflux from a particularly savory gust of wind...”</p><p>“Shush, pet...” Hallariel said with a chaste kiss on Gilear’s cheek...“Besides your swordsmanship has improved leaps and bounds from where you were, Fabian...Fandrangor seems an extension of your very being. Your movement in battle so graceful now. The bardic arts truly suit you, darling...we’ll have to return to Kei Lumennura soon to show your Grandfather...” </p><p>“Thank you, MaMa...I’d like that a great deal...” </p><p>“My little sister is getting rather good at swordplay herself...perhaps we could trouble the world’s greatest fencer for a lesson?”  Aelwen asked, if she reflexively straightened her posture as she spoke she hoped it wasn’t distracting. “Well, I’d serve more as emotional support...or cheering squad, as it were...never been very proficient at weaponry myself...”</p><p>“Perhaps you could conjure a few elementals to help you cheer?...” Fabian playfully quipped with a raised brow. </p><p>“Why?...So you can make out with one in your...sheet?” countered Aelwen with a wink. </p><p>“-It’s not a blanke-oh...” </p><p>Okay, good. This is good. She’s made them all laugh. That’s good. Dinner with Fabian’s family for the first time is going...well...</p><p>Turned on the old Aelwen Abernant charm? Check. </p><p>Complimented the decor? Check.</p><p>Made Fabian blush? Check. </p><p>Thoroughly enjoying this quiche? Double check. </p><p>Felt eternally grateful she fought her first impulse to bring elven wine because she almost forgot Fabian’s mother is a recovering alcoholic? Yikes.</p><p>Now realizing she could have still brought cooking sherry for Cathilda instead of coming empty handed? Drat. </p><p>Currently questioning why all her ideas on gifts are alcohol based? Help. </p><p>Still winning over his parents despite being an obvious train wreck whose leg hasn’t stopped fidgeting under the table the entire time?.........</p><p>...Gilear seemed to like her well enough though he was currently...preoccupied with the hand scratching his chin.</p><p>Fabian’s mother Hallariel on the other hand, the hand not scratching Gilear’s chin hopefully...was a lot harder to get a read on. She had the mannerisms of high elves like her family, the vocal affectations, the refined bone structure, all the aesthetic trappings of her icy immortal people...but when she spoke to or of Fabian she beamed with warmth the like of which she’d never seen expressed on her parents’ faces. </p><p>And it bugged her. Only a little. </p><p>Okay, a lot. </p><p>Aelwen had only somewhat gotten used to seeing such affection on her guardian Jawbone, but he was just like that...completely disarming...and also not an elf. </p><p>She’d witnessed similar looks on SandraLynn’s normally perma-scowled elven visage but she, like Gilear, was a wood elf...they’re......different?</p><p>The juxtaposition of Hallariel’s otherwise high elven demeanor, and the way she showered Fabian with praise...looked upon him with palpable love?</p><p>It threw Aelwen off balance. </p><p>And Hallariel doted on Fabian without Fig present so it wasn’t to motivat-....instill jealousy (thank you, Jawbone) in any sibling of Fabian’s...</p><p>So to what end then?</p><p>Fabian loved his mother even through her reclusion...her minimum effort still well exceeding the compassion threshold in the Abernant home on their best day. The Lomeneldas were always too tree-huggy for father’s taste anyway...<br/>
...ah...hmm...another not great thought...<br/>
Wait, how long had Aelwen not been paying attention? Why is Hallariel looking at her?! Had she rejected Aelwen’s suggestion? Can she cast detect thoughts??? If it was the hippy comment she apologizes...that was father talking...her father that isn’t here anymore...and can’t hurt her...even if she’s making a fool of herself ...making a poor impression...on Fabian’s family no less...well just his mother...Gilear and Cathilda must’ve long since made their minds up about her...they’re right after all...all of them...she’d aided Kalvaxus...the dragon that lead to the elf still staring at her being widowed...the dragon who stole the father that Fabian spoke of so highly...it’s funny...this house seemed so large and imposing on the outside, but this table was much too close to the wall...they should really hire a decorator...it’s cramped...rather suffocating really...locking her in...trapping her like she’s still in the-</p><p>“If I may please be excused for a moment...” Aelwen said with a well practiced prim bow, and darted down the adjoining hall to the nearest bathroom as soon as she was out of view. </p><p>
  <i>Breathe.</i>
</p><p>Now she’d done it, there’s no way that didn’t look suspicious. </p><p>
  <i>Just Breathe.</i>
</p><p>Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. She’s fucking this up. She’s fucked. Fuck. </p><p>
  <i>If you can’t escape your mind. Escape through your body. </i>
</p><p>Okay. She’s doing the breathing thing. Now she’s watching herself stretch in a bathroom mirror. With a totally normal expression on her face that doesn’t look like she’s going to lose it. This is great. </p><p>“Aelwen? Are you alright?...” a hushed voice came through the bathroom door. </p><p>SHIT. Go away, Fabian. Can’t garbage freak out in peace? </p><p>
  <i>Reach out. You don’t have to do this alone, Aelwen. Your friends care about you. Your sister loves you. Fabian likes ya...and hell I think you’re great.</i>
</p><p>Thank you, Jawbone.</p><p>“Aelwen? Hey...are you okay....just checking in on you...hate for your quiche to get cold...I hope it wasn’t something I said...should I have not mentioned the elemental...thing? That was insensitive...I’m sorry.” </p><p>Oh, god. He’s too nice. Why is he wasting his time on her? Her family name had been disgraced. She was poor. She was cruel. She doesn’t deserve to be in the home she helped destroy. Doesn’t deserve his kindness. Hadn’t earned it. If it was purely sexual attraction she could understand it, but they’d hardly advanced from the occasional make out and semi-heavy petting session. He would get bashful and just return to kissing whenever she tried to give him what she thought he wanted. What was his deal?! WHAT ARE ANY OF THESE ELVES DEALS?! </p><p>Is this window too high to climb out of? </p><p>Aelwen’s pills rattled in their organizer from within the pocket of her shorts when she tested out the possibility of escaping through a porthole. She’d forgotten they were there. Forgot they were an option. She still had so much shame taking them. Shame that took shape as the scowling brow of father...round impenetrable lenses of mother.<br/>
She was a broken thing.<br/>
In need of fixing. </p><p>“Are...are you mad at me? Please talk to me?“</p><p>How had she been able to dupe him so utterly into thinking she was worth this. What could he possibly expect from her? </p><p>“You can yell at me if you want just...let me know you’re okay...please, Aelwen?” </p><p>She really shouldn’t take another dose of her anxiety meds at this late hour...she had new sleeping medication she was trying out and didn’t know how the two would mix...but this...he...is important? Down the hatch. </p><p> </p><p>“Didn’t mean to alarm you, Fabian. Just had to use the little elf’s room...make sure I’m still looking my best...” Aelwen said as she finally opened the door after collecting her frenzied mind hoping the pill would kick in soon and relieve her of the immense burden. </p><p>“Are you sure you’re alright? You had a look earlier...I truly hope I hadn’t said or done anything to trigger a-“</p><p>“-Don’t be s-silly...” Drat. Her voice cracked there, he was just so concerned. “Just needed to make sure I didn’t eat off all my lipstick...I do love how it looks on you...” she said with a wink hoping her deception rolled high. </p><p>“...you know you can tell me...talk to me when you have your...you know...” </p><p>“Noted...and should I have another...episode...you shall be the first to know...now I believe you said my quiche was getting cold, and that won’t do...” Aelwen said moving passed Fabian back down the hall towards the dining room to a table where Gilear, Hallariel, and Cathilda were excitedly planning a vacation to Fallinel. </p><p>“Everything all right, dear?” Hallariel said not quite lifting her eyes from where they rested lovingly on Gilear. </p><p>“I...I just...uh...just.....” Aelwen faltered, having forgotten and now viscerally being  reminded of the dynamics that put her in such a state. </p><p>“......Aelwen sometimes has-“ Fabian attempted to supply.</p><p>“-Snuff cravings! Terrible habit I know, but after tending bar at Garthy’s part-time, Being around all those pirates...I seem to have picked it up unfortunately, and would hate to partake in such a vice in front of all of you during such a lovely dinner...” </p><p>“Oh...you sweet girl, that would’ve hardly been the first time someone partook of snuff powder at this table...” Hallariel chuckled her eyes surveying Aelwen fully this time a soft smile on her lips. “Fabian, you should have offered some to our guest...What would your father think of your lack of hospitality?...” </p><p>“...ah...yes...Right as always MaMa...please, forgive me, Aelwen.” He said with a look in his eye that meant he was apologizing for more than not offering snuff. </p><p>Aelwen squeezed Fabian’s hand under the table...</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title is from Jack Stauber. </p><p>My heartcanon is that Aelwen, not really sure what she wants to do with her life at the moment, has a conversation with Adaine, Ayda, and Fig about how she needs a job...and Ayda puts in a good word to Garthy O’Brien for Aelwen to be a part-time barkeep. She just uses the magic door in Ayda’s room to go to work. </p><p>Which gives her access to pirate wizard spell books as a bonus. </p><p>Which is also why all her ideas about what to give Fabian’s family were booze.</p><p>Y’all Aelwen’s trying her best...</p><p>Kudos and Comments keep me hydrated and validated. </p><p>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Flicking fire like saltwater in my eyes...you were one inch from the edge of this bed, I dragged you back...a sleepyheeaaaad...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>He’d held Aelwen most of the night, softly humming when he felt her stir. The half elf hadn’t gotten much rest himself, but at the moment that mattered to him less than aiding her in fending off the shadowy foes that plagued her mind. Besides, he found it exceedingly difficult to sleep with Aelwen’s petrified expression still etched in his recent memory. </p><p>**********</p><p>Fabian is processing some S T U F F y’all...</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’m here...I’m Queer... My love for Aelwen/Fabian is still just as  SEVERE! </p><p>Kudos and Comments give me Bardic Inspiration...</p><p>Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Somewhere Fabian was sure Old Young Benjamin’s paw was down a finger...</p><p>As he’d wished all those months ago, the left side of his bed was indeed filled by none other than <i>Aelwen Abernant</i>. Though instead of basking in soft rapid breaths escaping through her kiss-swollen lips in the hazy afterglow of another fervent make out session, he was anxiously noting visible tension in her jaw clenched from fitful sleep...intermittent winces marring her delicate brow. Mercifully, it had been hours since she’d undergone anything as violent as when she all but tumbled out of bed. </p><p>Fabian’s side quest to retrieve a blanket from his daybed long since aborted, he opted instead to lie under his duvet (above the sheets still a gentleman, just not a freezing one). He’d held Aelwen most of the night softly humming when he felt her stir. The half elf hadn’t gotten much rest himself, but at the moment that mattered to him less than aiding her in fending off the shadowy foes that plagued her mind. Besides, he found it exceedingly difficult to sleep with Aelwen’s petrified expression still etched in his recent memory. </p><p>Aelwen didn’t talk much about Fallinel to Fabian, part of him felt grateful...</p><p>All that time he’d spent envisioning this daring rescue, how he would lay waste to anyone that dare come between he and his <i>prize</i>. How Aelwen would surely melt in his embrace, dazzled by his smile and perfectly timed one liners (one liners he may have softly pitched to Cathilda...who may have had notes). She’d tease him for taking so long of course, and he’d retort with a barrage of kisses as they rode The Hangman off into the sunset.</p><p>A fairytale.</p><p>When the time came he wasn’t even on the Aelwen retrieval team and didn’t care to be...a bunch of...<i>stuff</i> happened that left him a broken stranger in his identity. That was if he had ever truly been that Fabian in the first place...and not just a boy playing dress up in his father’s hand-me-downs. He’d tried forgiving himself by remembering how it felt being so publicly stripped of persona....reasoning that he would’ve been wholly unprepared to encounter the whisper of Aelwen left after her own...ordeal. He’d only caught glimpses of her when the bad kids escaped Calethriel tower and returned to his ancestral home of Kei Lumennura.</p><p>Those glimpses were enough for Fabian to keep his distance.</p><p>Had he somehow mustered the nerve what could he have even said to her? All his carefully scripted lines were for an Aelwen fabricated from his insecurities. An idealized Aelwen to act as his saucy sidekick telling him job well done...he won at manhood.</p><p>Maybe if he’d seen her as a person instead of an achievement he wouldn’t have romanticized her imprisonment in the first place? Maybe if he’d been brave enough to stare at her fear in the face, talked to her as much as Kalina’s influence would’ve allowed he could have helped prevent Aelwen from returning to the side of her parents? Maybe he could’ve understood why betrayal came to her so easily due to how often she’d been betrayed by those who should’ve protected her? </p><p><i>He</i> should’ve protected her.</p><p>Is it any wonder why Adaine ultimately hadn’t entrusted him with the task of carrying her barely conscious sister from the field where she’d slain their abusive patriarch...relying on an unseen servant instead? Even if Fabian hadn’t been so preoccupied reuniting with his beloved hellhound to put up any resistance what would his defense have been?</p><p>Could he be certain his sense of duty to guard Aelwen now was entirely altruistic? Was he positive this new <i>sensitive</i> Fabian keeping vigilant watch over this restless damsel wasn’t his toxic masculinity shambling back from the dead in a crown of flowers to again simplify this really cool person’s complexity into a more easily consumable mush? How could he possibly ask Aelwen for passage through her mental defenses when he couldn’t properly navigate his own thoughts? Aelwen was right even if she had yet to say it aloud...he wouldn’t be able to handle it...he was spiraling thinking about what her trauma meant of him...just as he’d done about Riz...</p><p>This time it was Fabian’s turn to wince. </p><p>Aelwen rolled in her sleep facing away from Fabian, part of him felt grateful. </p><p>Okay. </p><p>Fabian could recognize he wasn’t in a good headspace and even though he’d barely slept it was only now that he truly felt energy begin to drain from him. He needed to rally quickly if he was to be any good for Aelwen when she awoke. He carefully made his way out of bed, quietly padded out to his balcony, closing the door behind him, taking great caution to not disturb his houseguest. </p><p>He just...needed to get out of his head for a minute before he got <i>stuck</i>...though he’d forgo playing the daily dance yoga mix Fig made him to keep the noise down...</p><p>After a final check to make sure Aelwen still hadn’t roused, he closed his eye, breathing deeply, acknowledging the tension in his body from the tips of his pointed ears to his toes (on his perfectly normal sized feet). Leaning into his feelings and naming them...he felt...sort of...frozen in place not knowing how to move forward for fear of messing up. The chill in the morning air aiding in his metaphor, the not too distant memory of regaining consciousness in the ocean frantically swimming towards Leviathan even more so. That had been a cold the like of which he’d never experienced before, bone deep, and a self loathing even deeper. A loathing that deprived him of even the comfort of his owl bears jacket, because he didn’t feel worthy of it or its warmth. The Fabian on the balcony shifted his weight as the Fabian in his mind trudged through lonely streets of reclaimed wreckage, both of them searching in the dark... </p><p>...Suddenly...a trail of swords planted in his path lead him onward...</p><p>...A halfling’s humming enshrouds him in protection from the elements...</p><p>...A hum becomes the strumming of a lute...soothing his spirit...</p><p>...Strumming becomes the thrumming of his heart racing to quell the fire harming his friends....</p><p>...The thrum of his heartbeat blends into a percussive backdrop for the tango between he and flame itself... </p><p>“Well, This is cute...” </p><p>“Aelwen! How long have you been watching?” Fabian gasped spinning on his heels, arms still held in position to face a smirking Aelwen leaned against the balcony door wearing his oversized Fig and the Cig Figs shirt he let her sleep in. </p><p>“Long enough...show me that last bit again...you did like a twirl into a back bend...”</p><p>“This?” He repeated his last movements before he’d been alerted to her presence. “Hope I didn’t bother you with any of...umm...my workout...are you...how are you feeling?”</p><p>“Alright, a little groggy, but nothing caffeine can’t fix...” Aelwen waved off the concern in his voice, her nose adorably wrinkled in concentration seeming more focused on recreating his routine. “How do you keep from falling when you do this?” </p><p>“If you move your left foot back farther...like that... you can arch deeper without losing balance...see?” Fabian instructed bracing her as she tested out his advice.  </p><p>“Ah! You know Adaine and I took a few lessons. Father...said it was good to have on our applications to Hudol, but discouraged us from dancing in the house...or anywhere outside of class or recitals really...” Fabian felt the grip on his hand he’d reflexively extended to help her keep steady tighten. “I guess this sort of thing comes naturally to you...”</p><p>“What a prick...wait, what sort of thing comes naturally?” </p><p>“Tell me about it...oh...I dunno...I meant this sort of loose free form dancing you do...the moves we learned were much more precision focused...rigid....more like drills set to harpsichord...but you’ve got this whole...it’s like...even in your penmanship...there’s a fluidity in your movements...a freedom. It’s enviable...and inspiring. Alright, I refuse to incriminate myself any more than I already have and legally invoke my right to coffee...”</p><p>“What are you in the mood for? I can have Gilear make a coffee run...The more complicated the better...” The bard offered in singsong. </p><p>“Just black is fine...I promised<br/>
Adaine I’d help her and Ayda with some abjuritive spellcraft and warding to thwart book thieves....you know how protective Ayda is of her books...and how protective Adaine is of Ayda...if we get started early enough we can finish before it’s time for me to clock in at Garthy’s...so I should be heading back soon...besides I’ve heard of how you bully that elf over drink orders...”   </p><p>“Curses, my reputation yet again proceeds me...” Fabian whose skin was still buzzing from his dance yoga therapy session and the unexpected praise from Aelwen lowered the high elf in a dip, a pastiche of the move she’d used on him during their first meeting. “In that case I’ll just ask Cathilda to put a pot on for us while we get dressed then I’ll drop you off so you can conserve your spellslots, save you the teleport...” Had Fabian not attained such an acute awareness of Aelwen’s expressions the high elf might’ve been more successful playing off the exhaustion in her eyes. “That’s if you’re sure you don’t want to play hooky today maybe...get back in bed?” </p><p>“Are you propositioning me, Seacaster?...As much as I’d like that I simply can’t I’m afraid...duty calls. Though I have enjoyed our impromptu sleepover and dinner was wonderful...excluding the...me having a slight...panic attack in the bathroom...”</p><p>“Speaking of...um...you also had some pretty dreadful night terrors...I thought I’d let you know...I remembered you told me you were trying out different sleeping medication...and I -“ </p><p>“-Oh? Did...that’s why you were awake this early...I kept you up...a panic attack and night terrors in less than twelve hours...h-how terribly embarrassing...”</p><p>“No, it’s...I still got a trance in...it’s fine...I’m fine...please don’t feel embarrassed...I’m just worried about you...not...<i>worried</i> about you...and I’m not...like <i>not</i> worried about you...I just want you...to be okay?...”</p><p>“I am okay!...I’m fine...don’t worry about me...I’ll...take a rain check on the coffee...please thank your parents for me...” Aelwen said hastily darting back in the manor grabbing her belongings and teleporting away without looking back.</p><p>Well...fuck...</p><p>
  <strong> “Master! I no longer sense the presence of Aelwen Abernant on the Seacaster grounds...were we not to drop her off at Mordred Manor?” </strong>
</p><p>“We were Hangman...” Fabian sighed as he put on his eyepatch. “...we were.” </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The title is from Passion Pit.</p><p>Thanks for reading and leaving such dope responses!!! </p><p>Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to listen to the NADDPOD campaign 1 finale...again...for the second time today...</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The title is from The Pixies’ song “I’ve been tired” </p>
<p>Aelwen/Fabian is the Crab King of under appreciated ‘ships.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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